It’s two days until the first anniversary of my second DD. My first one was more than 27 years ago. I didn’t take note of the date.
I’m staying busy. I’m in a good place.
I saw my psychologist yesterday. It was great timing. He has given me good homework assignments, as always. I can’t imagine doing this past year without the help of talk therapy with a Christian psychologist. Homework is as follows…
- Talk with husband about the purpose of talking about difficult things. Remind him of the long term benefit, and ask him to be long suffering to help me heal and to grow himself up.
- Get on top of my responsibility to get support from the women in my life. Husband can’t be the only person giving me support. It’s too much.
- Remind husband of his responsibility to get support from the men in his life. I can’t be his support system when he is upset about having to talk about his behavior. He should be getting that support from his psychologist and male friends.
I think the most important thing I can work on in the next days is being better prepared to respond to my hubby, lovingly, in a better way when he asks me, “Why do we have to keep doing this?”
The answer is… “I can’t help you with that answer. Please talk this over with the psychologist, and the men’s support group you attend. They can help you with your feelings about having to keep talking about this.”
Two mornings ago, I was really upset. I was having a super hard time with everything. The emotions were bouncing between angry and heartbreak. I left for work without saying goodbye to husband. I just walked out the door and left, and that’s not how I should have handled it. I can’t bring myself to apologize. I’ve explained it, but am letting pride get in the way of apologizing. That’s really dumb. I’ll have to find time to apologize this weekend. I didn’t want to go home at all, and was hanging out at my mom’s. My sister talked me through going home.
Uh…My sister has been amazing this week. She’s been so kind and has listened and encouraged me. I’m so thankful for the strong and compassionate women in my life. She’s one of them, for sure.
The ying-yang, push-pull, ebb-flow of this experience is in full swing. Yesterday I was crying. Today I’m upbeat and positive, and I have a date tonight with husband.
Two thoughts to close out this post.
Thought 1: Thank God for talk therapy, qualified and skilled psychologists, and homework assignments. It makes a big difference to have this help. We’d be in divorce court by now without it.
Thought 2: Staying in communication with husband, not withdrawing into a corner to suffer, has been the key to today’s success. We’re talking grocery lists, and plans for the weekend, and going to a movie tonight. And we connected with a nice hug this morning, and I teased him about if he can stay up so late for the movie tonight. And he teased me back.
Two more days to DD.