Does He Miss Her

One day he was spending time with her on a daily basis — and then he wasn’t. I often wonder about how lonely he must have been when he stepped away from the third wheel.

I have a hard time understanding how he went from spending time with her every day, to never spending time with her again. I wonder how other men do it — say good bye to the third wheel. (I do realize sometimes the unfaithful person is a woman, but I’m writing from my own experience.)

I’ve read their emails to each other. I’ve read the loving things they’ve said to each other. I’ve seen the cell phone bills, and all the time they spent talking every day on his lunch breaks and sometimes late at night.

Did he miss her in the beginning? (It’s been about a year now.) Was he lonely? If he didn’t miss her, I wonder why he didn’t miss her. She became such an important part of his life.

I missed my husband in the months that led up to DD (discovery day). I couldn’t get his attention – which was hurtful and lonely and depressing. It’s hard to have someone right at your fingertips, but so far away.

I argued with third wheel, as foolish as that is to do, to involve myself at all with her. She point blank said several times that I just didn’t understand what the two of them had, how good it was, and how she wasn’t going away. As infuriating as that was, and I can’t believe this is a true statement, about a month after DD I felt sad for third wheel. What must THAT have felt like for her?! One day you’re the most important wheel, and the next day you’re no wheel at all. I’m sure third wheel was lonely, and missed him…or misses him.

How nutty is it to feel sad for the third wheel? It’s a rhetorical question at best.

I’d like to clearly understand how he ended things with third wheel. I’ve asked a few times if he talked with her to draw things to a conclusion and he has said no. Our situation is a little different in that he was hospitalized for a five weeks starting the day after confronting him. And seven of those days he didn’t have access to a phone. (This would be the period of time I involved myself with the third wheel. I was monitoring his accounts for her contact, and consistently telling her to go away and leave us alone. Also quite foolish to do, and yet I’m perfectly okay with being foolish.) But when my mind wanders to this topic, it asks, “how does one do that to another?” How does one just walk away? (To be clear, I’m not a saint. I have spent more time being furious with the third wheel and my husband than feeling sad for them. Like a 99:1 minutes angry to sad ratio.)

Our relationship (husband and me, minus third wheel) has improved over the last few months. He’s kind and loving. He’s appreciative, and holds my hand. He listens to my fears and goes with me to counseling. He even made the most delicious chicken pot pie. (That’s a big deal.) I doubt he misses her now.

We’re all human beings. Our hearts pretty much beat the same way. I do wonder how much he must have missed third wheel in the beginning, how lonely he must have felt, and when did that start to change for him. When did he think about her less, and their time together? I love him, and I feel sad at the thought of all of this. Am I the only person who wonders about this?

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