Monday, I went to work sad, with a heavy heart.
To catch you up, uncovered my husband’s emotional affair with his high school sweetheart on a Saturday. Confronted him on a Sunday. He stayed in bed with a cold all day Sunday. I brought him dinner, and sat and ate on the bed with him. He said nothing. Not a word. I couldn’t even guess as to what he was thinking. It was just awful.
Here comes Monday, and I’m in crisis. I mean like a feverish, can’t think or talk or work, probably shouldn’t be in the office today, crisis. I texted him from work.
“What are you going to do about this?” 3:30 PM “I can easily see my hand in this situation. What about you?” 3:31 PM
I wouldn’t get a response from him. He couldn’t respond, but I didn’t know this, yet.
I called by daughter before heading for home to check on how he was doing. I was surprised when she said he left at noon and hadn’t come back, yet. At 6 PM, this was very unlike him. Panic. Fear. Breaking into his iTunes account, using the Find iPhone app, I can see where his phone is sitting. It is in the middle of a large town home neighborhood. I circled that neighborhood for hours. Literally. I kept riding right over the spot the app was saying his phone was, but no car and no husband in sight.
Widening my path into wider circles. Wider and wider I traveled as I called and called. My 32 year old daughter called and as she could tell by my voice that something was wrong…I spilled it all and asked her to call him. I was hopeful if he saw her name on the caller ID he’d answer. But he could not.
“Can’t you just let someone know you are safe so I can go home and stop looking for you???” 8:02 PM
When I finally located his car, it was the only car left in a dark and still Veterans Administration clinic parking lot. The clinic was long closed. I know; I checked. And I was quite simply terrified to go look into his car. I was afraid of what I’d find.
This is what women do. They do the things that mere mortals shouldn’t have the courage to do. I walked most fearfully and shamefully to look into his car. Had I gone too far in my fury? Have I pushed too hard? What am I going to find when I look in his car? Terror. Sheer terror. The walk to his car took forever, and in the same space and time the walk was over too quickly.
TO BE CONTINUED… https://briques-tuiles.com/2019/01/11/beyond-the-snowy-field/